I discovered from my insurance company that my referral from my PCP to my surgeon granting permission for me to get surgery hadn't been done yet, despite my call to them weeks earlier. It also turns out that I was denied coverage for two visits to the specialist's office, even though they had submitted a referral already. Both my PCP and insurance company's offices are incompetent (to some extent); I mean, I like that both are convenient, but the service level has not been up to par. The secretaries at my doctor's office seem frustrated at my constant calling, and while my insurance company is informative, a lot of the stuff I do has to be within their protocol.
So, tomorrow I have to call every office to make sure everything is set. I'm not going to pay a ridiculous amount of money for services that are supposed to be covered under my plan. I guess I'll have to break out the harder side of me if people don't cooperate.
It's not like I wanted this injury. I just wanted to do my own thing with no worries, and now I'm at a place where I don't know whether laughing or crying (or both) are sufficient enough to let out the emotional stress I've been under. And it's hard to talk to others who haven't had the surgery about it - they don't understand the mental anguish and most of the time I feel like I'm burdening them about my personal problems and/or I'm becoming egocentric about my knee.
It's the anticipation that's also killing me. I know I'll be getting the reconstruction done on Tuesday. I know that I won't be able to walk. But what's worse is knowing that I can walk and sort of do normal activities now, and that it'll be taken away again in two days.
Then there's the recovery. I know it's a long process, but I also know that I have a limited amount of time to get to the level of "up and walking", especially with school around the corner. Boston isn't exactly the most walking-friendly city, particularly with streets that aren't paved correctly and potholes galore. I could fall in one of those and never get out! And the Marlborough campus location isn't easy to get to on crutches - the MBTA is barely handicapped friendly, and with crowded trains and buses due to high gas prices, I could get knocked over on the subway.
I should try to relax.
I've been telling myself that for a few days now.
Frankly, at this point, I'm quite afraid.